Update 28:

I’ve been living in Nanaimo for a day more than three weeks now. It seems much longer. I find that the first month in a new local is usually a tricky month. You don’t have true friends there yet. You have a pretty hefty set of expenses. You spend a fair amount of time alone. That gets tricky, especially if you’re a bit of a social individual. I’m not truly complaining though.

I’m not sure if you remember a posting I had from the Congo when I said something to the effect of “I feel as though I have to confront my fears so that they no longer remain my fears.” I haven’t really been calling friends or been letting many people know that I’m feeling a little bit alone here, for that reason. In a somewhat of a perhaps cynical outlook I wonder whether we are alone for the majority of life.

I don’t mean that we won’t be able to share our experiences along the way, and yes one always has their family, their friends, their lovers, their children, but these are all (for a lack of a better word) impermanent. The only permanence in your life is you. So I ponder aloneness. I think about my time here at the moment as a time “meant” to be alone. This period in my life appears to be a lesson in learning to rely on myself for strength and that the only person that can manage times of aloneness as equally as times of sharing is me.

It’s an interesting philosophy. It’s interesting for a number of reasons. Questions like to rear their heads in my brain. I wonder if this is a healthy outlook. I wonder who defines healthy. I wonder if this road that I am so drawn to is getting outdated and that if I went in search of a new map I might seek a different destination? Or whether or not I should ponder the destination?

It’s also interesting because I’ve always been the guy that voices what he’s thinking. I’m not afraid to talk about anything. I don’t dance around the issue. In that regard, keeping quite or attempting to find peace in moments/periods of aloneness is a bit contrary with much of my character. I feel a great inner strength when I can take times when I’m feeling alone and transform my attitude to acceptance and even appreciation.

On the contrary (and I’m not much into horoscopes) but I tend to check out The Globe and Mail’s “If Today Is Your Birthday” horoscope every year. A habit an old flame instilled into me. This years one is a bit intimidating, it says: “No matter how much pressure you find yourself under over the coming year there will always be people close at hand who you can turn to for advice and assistance. There are some big hearts out there, and some of them beat especially for you.”

To be honest here, I don’t really look forward to an amount of pressure that would make me turn to “hearts that beat for me.” I want to say I can do it by myself, but the old adage of taking your car to a mechanic is probably more intelligent than trying to do it yourself rings true again… dammit. In the end I reckon it’s all about balance. Balance in knowing when you can ask for help, and balance in knowing/trusting in yourself when to weather the storm.

Update 27:

Update 27, holy cow. I’ve written a few updates hey! To be 100% honest I’m wondering how long it will take me to write the 28th, if it ever comes. I’ve been making some decisions and opportunities arose, with a pretty dramatic lifestyle change being the result.

Last time I wrote here I was in the process of thinking about going to Haiti. Since then the Olympics came to town, left it’s impression on us, and in some ways I suppose we left our impression on the world :). A small number of volunteers and I were honoured a position driving the celebrities/performers/talent to and from the opening and closing ceremonies.

It started when I got to pick up Donald Sutherland at the airport, take him to what I thought was the best Chinese restaurant in Vancouver, only to pull up in front of the Phnom Penh, a Vietnamese-Cambodian establishment. Apparently, I was the token lumberjack that doesn’t know the difference between a few of the Oriental types of foods. They laughed; I turned red. I also drove a few other awesome celebrities, with the top of the list being Mr. Wayne Gretzky, twice. He was perhaps one of the most down to earth, personable men I have met. I can’t say enough good things about him.

Aside from perhaps confirming the stereotype that many of the rural Canadians have an inability to differentiate cuisine origin, I’d say that the Olympics demonstrated so many of the things that make Canada the country it has evolved into.

I for one had an absolutely fabulous time. I met wonderful people from around the world. I saw firsthand the strength in the Canadian. In many ways I think Canadians showed that it is possible to live without racism, without religious persecution and instead with acceptance. Let us try to not limit this lifestyle to a two week Olympic period.

Post Olympics was when the big decisions were made. I was on track to go to Haiti and then was told there was someone who had more experience than I who would take my place, and could I go to Niger instead and build a hospital in the southern part of the Sahara desert. A week later I was back on track for Haiti and would be leaving in a week. Two weeks later a kidnapping and after the kidnapped nurses returned, activities were to be reduced and I wouldn’t be going to Haiti as I would be one of the non-essential staff, instead would I be willing to head to Niger?

It’s a funny thing how things workout sometimes. Coincidence? I think not. Three days before my flight to Haiti was canceled, I was visiting the engineering company I used to work for before MSF. They said a position had opened up in Nanaimo and should I be interested. At the time, I was focused on the new job in Haiti. Three days later, when the kidnapping occurred, the Nanaimo job looked like a pretty outstanding alternative.

In 10 days I start work again as an engineer, in a new city, in a new apartment, in a new job. Restarting the engineering side of my life. Does it scare me? Yes. Although it sounds goofy “N-day” as I like to call it, the Nanaimo vs. Niger decision wasn’t as simple as it sounds, and just as simple at the same time. This was lifestyle decision time, now with at least two doors open, in perhaps the most disparate directions.

Do I continue on the trail of adventure, of quest, of risk, of excitement or do I hang up the cowboy hat? Forever? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not giving in, or giving up, my life will still be rich in its adventure and excitement, but I’m sure for quite different reasons and in quite a different way. But it won’t be the same as those MSF presented me.

The decision that I have made, is one that I am super happy with. I can’t wait to move to the island, maybe I’ll become an islander :) I can’t wait to be a couple hours from surf. I can’t wait to design again, to engineer! I’m looking forward to living by myself again, with all of my stuff. I’ll miss the roomies and the family though. It’ll be a challenge and a learning curve again. But one that I’ll enjoy tremendously, it’s all in the great plan, and I’m ready :).