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It’s May, 2013, one in the morning on a
beautiful spring evening. All is well in the Universe.
For the first time since I started this process I see another paradigm. I see a new landscape in which to live my life. It seemingly doesn’t actually matter where I am or what I do in this new paradigm. It’s f@#king beautiful. It’s abundant. It’s beautiful (I’m aware I’m repeating myself). It’s nothing like where I’ve been living for the past couple of decades.
I don’t have the answers. I am not all seeing. I can’t even see through my own veils of self and ego, all (or even a portion) of the time. At the same time I have a clearer picture, I see through the murky stew. I realize my soul. In this moment I pop my head up for air, and recognize that, contrary to what I may have thought, I wasn’t drowning. I can/could breathe and live even while in the stew. In that primordial stew I was/am learning and growing and preparing for the becoming of the man I wish to be, the man I actually am but have been hiding from.
Nepo said it well, I’ll paraphrase (sorry dude if I’m not doing you justice, but then in reality is there such thing as justice in this realm?? ;) )… When we are in the stormy seas that is life and we are on a crest to take a look around and survey the scene, acknowledge it, appreciate the experience of the crest and allow for it. Take the memory of the crest to our soul. When we follow the rhythm of our seas whether be crest or trough or anywhere in between we can remain in memory of this experience. Not so much to hold onto it; more remember the duality, or continuum that is life.
I’m being metaphoric and ambiguous. On purpose. This was my awakening. I am barely able to believe that it actually is happening. That there was purpose, meaning and value in this stew that I’ve created. This is a massive shift. I can hardly contain myself. I want to scream to the mountains that I am here! That my presence matters! That I MATTER! TO ME!!!!!!
I can live again!!
For the first time since I started this process I see another paradigm. I see a new landscape in which to live my life. It seemingly doesn’t actually matter where I am or what I do in this new paradigm. It’s f@#king beautiful. It’s abundant. It’s beautiful (I’m aware I’m repeating myself). It’s nothing like where I’ve been living for the past couple of decades.
I don’t have the answers. I am not all seeing. I can’t even see through my own veils of self and ego, all (or even a portion) of the time. At the same time I have a clearer picture, I see through the murky stew. I realize my soul. In this moment I pop my head up for air, and recognize that, contrary to what I may have thought, I wasn’t drowning. I can/could breathe and live even while in the stew. In that primordial stew I was/am learning and growing and preparing for the becoming of the man I wish to be, the man I actually am but have been hiding from.
Nepo said it well, I’ll paraphrase (sorry dude if I’m not doing you justice, but then in reality is there such thing as justice in this realm?? ;) )… When we are in the stormy seas that is life and we are on a crest to take a look around and survey the scene, acknowledge it, appreciate the experience of the crest and allow for it. Take the memory of the crest to our soul. When we follow the rhythm of our seas whether be crest or trough or anywhere in between we can remain in memory of this experience. Not so much to hold onto it; more remember the duality, or continuum that is life.
I’m being metaphoric and ambiguous. On purpose. This was my awakening. I am barely able to believe that it actually is happening. That there was purpose, meaning and value in this stew that I’ve created. This is a massive shift. I can hardly contain myself. I want to scream to the mountains that I am here! That my presence matters! That I MATTER! TO ME!!!!!!
I can live again!!
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Photo credits go to Charlie
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